I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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