I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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