haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
