im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
How naked do you want me to be?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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