I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
