My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
