you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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