There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
