So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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