im six kinds of drunk right now
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
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