I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
