I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
