After last night, I could never be a politician.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Randomize
