Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
