Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Non-Jews are for practice
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
