Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
