omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
