according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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