dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
