like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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