You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
