i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
