1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize