i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
