I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
