Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize