Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
