He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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