trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
