remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
