they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize