Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
