i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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