last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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