grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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