Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
