that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
