8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
