I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
