Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
He told me they were just razor bumps!
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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