i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
