Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
