YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
