I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
