So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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