hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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