Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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