maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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