I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
