i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
