I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
