i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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