I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
