grandma shit on top of the toilet
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Be still, my beating vagina.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
