she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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