What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Your penis caused this!
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
