whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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