i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
