This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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