Grow some girl-balls and come out already
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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