rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
