i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
