Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
