This is not my ceiling
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
