Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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