I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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