I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
if only i could text you this smell
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
