Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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