we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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