can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
