i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
