So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
