Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
