I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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