Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Say something about gay babies.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
