I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
