How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
