Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
