I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
