MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
