using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
