he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize