I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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