youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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