Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
