I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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