i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
