thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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