but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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