you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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