I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He? As in you personified your dick?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
