Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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