u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
