Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
