Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I'm having to shit out rocks
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize