So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
