i already hear my dad disowning me
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
this boner is exhausting
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
