That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
